Things My Family and Society Do not Understand about having a mental disability.

Living with a disability Things I don’t understand about my family and that others don’t too

  • Walking me at half 8 in the morning even though I struggle to sleep enough as it is
  • Worrying about me taking my pills even though I’m recovering from an overdose
  • Forcing pills down my throat even though I recently nearly just died
  • Complaining about me watching tv even though I don’t do enough of it
  • Just in general being moronic
  • Forgetting that I’m twenty years old and can make my own choices
  • Me having acute co-dependency issues on them and them dominating my life
  • Forcing me to take pills even though I nearly Just died.
  • Me kinda wanting a carer but the nhs just refusing to give me one
  • Forcing me to take pills even though I just died
  • Complaining about the time I go to bed and then walking me at eight in the morning
  • Saying they love me but then leaving me for like two years to sit in my room and give myself brain damage
  • Then saying they thought that was normal teenage behavior

So thanks to my family I’m a co-dependent sleep deprived, recently overdosed, demented mess. Thanks guys. Love you too.  

Socialism vs Communism

Socialism vs Communism

I think there is a difference between socialism and communism. I believe in socialism higher taxation and higher wages for workers. Communism on the other hand is a kind of exploitation it tells people that rising up and having a bloody revolution and overthrowing the government is the answer to poverty when it isn’t. We have to remember that millions died in the Russian Revolution. Although we hate the police and education system, we still need it to maintain some kind of order in our society. After the first world war in Britain the Liberal democrats introduced social welfare reforms in Britain such as the free school meals act in 1906. However even today this act is neglected children with parents on low income are given the choice. They still make their children up packed lunches full of Nutella sandwiches and crisps. Or give their children money. This in itself shouldn’t be allowed. If your child is entitled to school meals, they should get school meals!! It isn’t about the parent its about the child. Every child should have the opportunity to have at least one descent nutritious school meal a day such as soup or potatoes and chicken or whatever. When I think back now as a young child, I used to love school dinners I liked getting a cup of soup and a nice fresh roll or getting a carton of chocolate milk or a cup of fresh orange or apple juice or cake and ice cream. Then as I got older I started coming home for my lunch. I missed out on the opportunity to mix with my peers and instead spent the time at my grans house watching bargain hunt and eating tinned macaroni.

This I think this effected my ability to socialise at high school. First and second year were just a nightmare you were sort of thrown in at the deep end expected to swim. You were given a timetable and expected at 12 years old to work out where all your different classrooms were. My school was quite big and had lots of different blocks. I remember an adult once asked me where a classroom was like if an adult cant work it out why are you expecting a twelve-year-old to be able to? I remember the panic of having like four minutes to work out where all these different classrooms were desperate not to be late in case you were humiliated by your peers or teachers. At break times I spent them lining up in my fife card que to avoid being titled a loner. The liberals also carried out the (administrative provisional act) 1907. Medical inspections carried out for school children, school boards could act against parents who sent their child to school in a bad condition (not that they actually do) free medical treatment given to school children after 1912. Children’s act (the children’s charter) 1908. Child begging was outlawed, penalties imposed on shops for selling tobacco or alcohol to children. Juvenile courts were set up. DEATH SENTENCE ABOLISHED FOR CHILDREN!!!!!!

In terms of Part 1 of the Children (Scotland) Act 1995 (which deals with matters including parental rights and responsibilities), a child is generally defined as someone under the age of 18.

That means that killing children under the age of 18 whatever the reason is murder and in America would be classed as a capital offence and could lead to life imprisonment or even execution and anyone who supports the death sentence for children should  not have a place in government or the health system , during training medical students take the Hippocratic oath the exact phrase “do no harm” . I have bairns does not matter. The Law is The Law. If you don’t want someone in your country as you believe they are at risk, you move them to a different country to receive treatment you don’t just kill a child. No matter who they are. If their disabled, If their NEET, If their Charles Dickens or even if their bloody Michael Jackson. The Law is the Law. And breaking it especially this law should come with severe consequence. Let alone allowing the person to become prime minister of the country. In the early 19th century a free national health service did not exist, and the poor could not afford medical attention, In 1911 the liberal democrats introduced the national insurance act in 1911. However, despite this the NHS still tend to favouritism more wealthier patients. Like girls with anorexia over children with acute mental health problems. Like if a child is phoning nhs 111 practically everyday complaining of panic attacks do you not think they need SOME FUCKING HELP!!!

  • provided compulsory health insurance for workers earning under £160 per year
  • the scheme was contributory – the employee paid 4d, the employer paid 3d and the state paid 2d – to provide sickness benefit of 9 shillings
  • if ill, the employee was paid 9 shillings (for up to 13 weeks) then 5 shillings (for an additional 13 weeks)
  • the employee was also offered free medical treatment
  • 30 shillings was provided for maternity benefit

However benefits were lost after 26 weeks absence from work.

Reforms for the unemployed remember there’s a difference between being working class and being poor. The poor are regularly regarded as the homeless or unemployed and sick and those relying off the state for their income. The working class usually work in low paid jobs such as shops, factories, building sites , cleaners , beauticians ect.  

Labour exchange act , 1909

Offices were set up to help unemployed people find work. By 1913 430 labour exchanges were set up 3000 people a day were provided with work by 1914, however when long term unemployment increased and the system began to break. Like today.

Labour reforms 1945-51

Throughout world war two , the country was governed by a coalition government , Labour , conservative and Liberal democrat (who all failed to stop Hitler and the Nazis. Campervan Germans spit) During the war the government became much more involved in peoples life’s and introduced rationing of foodstuff clothing and food. They gave extra milk to children and expectant mothers but not to the millions of Jews , communists , disabled and black people dying in death camps. The rationing and bombing helped peoples attitudes change towards poverty as people had limited means. William Beveridge was the driving force behind the welfare state,

The Welfare state was made up of the five Giants.

Disease (caused by inadequate healthcare)

Want (Caused by poverty)

Squalor (caused by poor housing)

Ignorance (caused by lack of education)

Idleness  (caused by the lack of Jobs , or the ability to gain employment)

Even today these five simple reforms are neglected. The NHS is not fit for purpose and is neglecting people’s health. Want. People in this country are given barely nothing by the state and are Hardly able to survive. Squalor Margret thatcher sold all of our council housing meaning a rise in homelessness especially in young people and making claiming a suitable council house incredibly difficult. Ignorance the government could easily increase the school leaving age to 18 but don’t as they fear it will mean less university places and high wage jobs for middle- and upper-class children. Idleness because of poor and working-class children’s lack of qualifications and education, and poor mental or physical health there is an inability to gain employment. Take me for example say I had been made by law to stay in school at least until 17 this could have changed my life drastically. Even if I didn’t have enough qualifications to access university, I would have probably been able to access the armed forces. As I would have ok qualifications and perhaps be fit enough mentally, or I could have accessed a HNC at college in social science or journalism. Yet our government are disgustingly biased. They put out little things to trip us up, like introducing national 4 and not allowing less academic or poorer children to sit an exam paper. When you actually think about it our government is mucked up. We claim to be superior because our education and healthcare is free, but it is inadequate, its bursting at the seems its unfit for purpose and wealthier families should have to pay for their healthcare and education. Even if that means you get a less fancy car or a house with a smaller mortgage. It would mean that poorer children don’t slip through the net and a poorer child’s life is worth more than anything of material value.

Our Day Will Come

I cant stop writing like tapping your foot or slamming your head hard against wood.
They wouldnt say we’re “Very” poor , obesity can say for sure.

I crossed the line
I didn’t care to read the signs
disillusioned by all my rhymes
guilty of my sickly crimes.

Perhaps if I re spun the dial
waited for a little while
and through the crackling static said
go to the forth and baptize your head
with the spilled blood of the dead.

Would you rather see your taxes go
to a sick man
arise poor soul.
Or see your hard working honest gold.
Slide into a stoic MPs pocket.

Damn those civil servants too
the heartless policeman
the shitty nurse
the lawyer with a bulging purse.

I wouldn’t preach to being proud of the poor
oh for goodness sake will you shut the front door.
Your desperation has leaked all over my nice floor.

I feel guilty are words you’ve never said
My poems are all stained in red.

Surely the day will one day come
we’ll bleed our veins
for our little ones.

Oh you’ll be sorry
through the muffled silence
I think that is what he said
when your children are crying I’ll turn away my head.
And cruelly smile.
Perhaps if I re spun the dial.

life On The Doal As A Woman

You might recognise the title from the book love on the doal (Which I admitedly have not read) Currently Im living on benifits. I am poor. I think being a poor woman in The UK. Is probably the worst thing that can happen you. We fear poverty. We get nervous in exams because of it we fear being titled a20161112_brp502

“bum” we fear drowning in what is the uks class system.  Far from the life of oliver twist modern day poverty is maybe a little less brutal but still FUCKING AWFUL !! Its something you wouldnt wish on your worst enemy. Here are some points on why as much as much as the middle classes idelise our life of doing nothing all day and long lie ins why poverty in the UK is still the closest you will get to a living HELL!! 

Not being able to drive – This is the first thing that makes life impossible. Having to hang around at bus stations is not something youd want to bring your children into. Aside from the dismal scottish weather. The whole situation of not having a car and having to travel on buses is very degrading and alienting.You somehow feel less. You are the underclass they label us as in the sociology classes at prestigious universitys. Somehow we are not human because of this fact.

Poor Housing – It seems that accedemics who have escaped their council houses which they were born wear it like a badge of honour. “I’m a working class acedemic” For the rest of us left on the estates of hell its not so cheary. Small cramped houses , damp coming through the roof and the constant lingering smell of ciggeretes for all us low class people who still smoke. I think in Britain we focus on becoming middle class too much.We forget about making life for the “working classes”  more bearable in an attempt to maybe move up the ladder.

Money – Ah the thing that devides this country. Money. Living on the doal. Is practically a death sentence. I mean to the extreme right we are baisically useless burdens and may aswell be burnt at the stake like witches. We are all mennaces to society who didnt try hard enough at school and go around spending the countries money crowding up pubs and enjecting heroine into our veins , because of this somehow we “deserve” to be poor. Like the money guzzling tax evading , probably cocaine taking rich deserve to live in mansions. Right?

Food  – I read an article recently on a couple who spent all their benfits on take aways A.K.A me. Why this made the news I do not no. I think it is just to make us look like fat useless burdens who should be living off gruel and packets of potatoes powder. Like let them spend their money on what they want. Theres not articles about analysing how middle class couples spent their money on shoes and wine and a car they cant even afford. Most of us “poor people”  realistically live off cheese sandwhiches and thats a fact.

So the next time your about to judge someone on the doal think about theses things 🙂 We are suffering and it needs to end.


Keep Warm Chapter 1

Ann lay with the sheets pulled up to her noes so that it covered her cheeks which were numbed from the cold. The darkness hung around her the silhouettes of what little objects she possessed lit up by a stream of pure light that slunk through a gap in the lace blinds that covered her window. She reached out running her slim fingers over the shaped holes in the yellowed material. A musty smell cast off them filling her lungs and making her splutter her throat burning. When she was little she’d had, the same sounding cough a great whooping one, one that made her father awaken from his sleep in the dead of night and run through to her bedroom to see if she was alright. Coughs weren’t the same when you were a child, it could have been scarlet fever or polio it sent her father into a state. If she ever had one he would run himself down accusing himself of not feeding them well enough, when in reality it was never the fault of an individual. Now her cough came from the city smog, the pollution off the factories that stuck to your skin and hair or the damp that grew from the walls where she was housed.
She rolled over, turning her back to the light and staring into the pitch black. She could feel the cold nip at her legs as she lay in only her thin vest, the thick blanket over her shoulders the only thing covering the vulnerability of her bare flesh. Not that long ago she had lay in this bed with another body whose strong arms had wrapped around her chest and whispered bliss into her ear with his warm sweet breath. She had caved in, in those moments safe in a gentleman’s arms. Just outside had lay the cruelty, poverty, decay and the selfish desperation of her fellow humans. Survivors only at the expense of another. No. She wasn’t good. No number of acts could make her pure. As no human was. We are simply animals run on fear and instinct, poisoned and diluted by intellect. No one individual was evil. Only a society could be that. A facade of the masses that hid the cruellest acts of torture, oppression, and evil in plain sight.

That night had been a one-night stand with a high ranked man in the forces. Not a working man from the pit or the site. He was not one who would be drinking in a pub around her bit. He wasn’t their “kind”. He had fair skin and hair along with clean manicured figure nails, and polished boots. A white-collar boy. He’d lured her to him. Slid up to her at the bar and made her laugh easily. Had her in the palm of his hand from the first sentence. It made her feel special that he’d picked her. She was nothing. He’d paid for her drinks and joined her at her table filling her with lager shandes after a Friday shift. They’d chatted and laughed for hours about the cold weather, his work and politics. She wasn’t very aware of politics. She’d heard rumours of the suffrage movement going on in the cities although had not seen much in the newspapers they tended to ignore it, didn’t like to give it the attention even if it be negative treated it as a disease they feared would spread. Here in a small industrial town most woman lived in the dark over the topic. She knew her older brother voted liberal the party in power at present. And whenever he talked about it he would swear a lot. This man was a member of the conservative party and said for a fact there was to be a war. She’d dismissed it as guff. They’d never be a war. Not now with all the new technology, bombs and artillery they had nowadays. They weren’t that stupid. They’d kill us all. At eleven the pub was closing up and they had been thrown out by the barman with the other late-night stragglers. A group of men from the pits, a lone chubby man, and a thin ragged alchy. Outside the rain had been pissing it down and they’d made a spur decision to seek shelter at the bookies. He’d placed a bet on one of the horses in her name chucking on ten pound the equivalent of three months’ wages. “It will win” he’d announced. He’d a confidence and asserted way to him she’d marvelled at. He held himself up straight. There seemed to her no doubt that plagued his mind. Not like them here where they doubted themselves constantly wither they could put food on the table or heat their frail bones, constantly straining to not sink to the bottom.

On Nationalism

So recently I’ve turned more in the direction of nationalism. Scotland is basically a slave state under the English. With all of our oil money “disappearing ” and leaving scotland in dismal poverty. I wouldn’t say personally I adore the Scottish government basically because I don’t really stand behind in any government as I believe in a free state one where the people take charge and arnt dictated under any shitty party. Being the lowest in society isn’t fun living on nothing (so please subscribe to me and give me some money , just a wee plug there ) so yeah I believe in taking from the rich and giving to the poor it must work. We need higher taxation in this country to make things fairer and to create a more liberated society !! Freedom !!