Ten Things Ive learned In my 19 Years

 

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1.sometimes people are wrong. Wither its your parents or proffesionals sometimes it better just not to listen.

2.Stay In School No matter how hard it gets. When people say you’l regret it you honestly will. Dont give in to opression. As the quote goes education is our greatest weapon.

3 Avoid psyciatric hospitals at all costs. You know when you hear about writers being depressed its kinda a sterotype.Honestly being admited to hospital  will make your health so much worse as no one wants to be degraded and treated like shit the way they do in hospital.

4.Its ok not to be ok-  Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. No ones perfect and you probably are doing your best. Minus the breakdown.

5.Remember who the real enemy is – You may have had a bad experience in life that turns you bitter. You may look for someone to blame your family , your friends , yourself. You have to remember that its not these peoples fault. Its just the fascist society we live in. If anything its moneys fault because the world revolves around it.

6.Go easy on the chocolate – As nice as it is. You will gain weight.

7.Smoking isnt always bad – All you see over the packets of ciggerettes are warnings not to do it. Honestly though I think smoking has helped me. It helps mask panic attacks , gets me to go outside more which elievates depression , helps me mentain my weight and can be used as inspiration. Most of my ideas for poems and prose pieces have happend over a fag. To be honest I wish Ide started it sooner.

8.Its hard being a young woman – I know. Its hard being a woman. Its hard being second best. If your poor and a woman its hard being like 10th best. Try and do things that empower you and help convince you your not just scum of the earth. Read books by female authors watch films with female actresses , listen to music sung by females. Go to clubs with other woman. Just know that we all feel the same.

9.ts Natural to worry about the future – Will I ever get a job? Will I be a bad mother? Will my partner leave me ? Its natural

10.Dont let other people bring you down – This kinda ties into my first suggestion. Dont listen to nasty people. Dont listen when your called a bum , dont let it get to you when people at the Job centre look down their snots at you. You are great, you are you!!!

Autumn TBR !!

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I’ve never done a TBR before and I thought perhaps now would be a good time to start as where getting into autumn and can get excited about so many horror stories. So get your cup of tea and cosy blanket and curl up with some really good books.

The first book on my list is :

THE WOMAN IN BLACK – I studied this book at school and would love to reread it and do an analysis of it for you. The story follows Arthur kips a soliciter who goes to settle afairs at Eal Marsh house. However he does not know that the house and town is haunted by The woman In black who lost her son and now kills other peoples children to seek revenge.

DRACULA – This is just a clasic that I would love to read as I know so little about it.

JANE EYRE – Im currently in the middle of reading this book and just like dracula it is a classic. It was also written by the greatest woman author of all time. Ive read it once before and cried at parts thats how muich emotion it stirred up in me.

Thats it for my autumn TBR. reveiws of these books should be going up on my blog soon !!

T2 Trainspotting (Reveiw)

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Before I begin this reveiw  *cough slaughter* I must point out that I have never watched the original 1996 Trainspotting film which (yes is a classic). However overall I felt it’s predocessor was pretty dire. First thing that struck me about this film was it’s 18 raiting , which I was quite dissapointed about as I was planning on seeing it at the cinema .(Yes my expectations of it were THAT high I was prepared to pay an arm a leg and probably a kidney knowing the price of cinema tickets to go watch it) Now I wouldn’t personally class myself as someone who could be easily taken aback. I curse every second sentence so it would probably make me a hypocrite. Yet even for me . this film is VERY crude. A little bit I can handle and was expected but taken to the point that you have to close your blinds otherwise your neighbours will probably think your watching porn , I felt was too much. This film had a lot of sex scenes (extreme sex scenes) in it as it was about them getting back together to set up a brothel business.

The main theme of this film is the underclass / drug /crime / Violence I couldn’t actually work out the theme as it was so bad it didn’t really have one. The film starts off with the main charcter spud trying to commit sucide. Yet dont worry he gets rescued by his best friend Mark Renton (who is clean from heroine). However spud is not happy with this and tries to baisically hammer Mark for leaving years a go and giving him money to spend on life running drugs.  Another main character in the story is simon. Who now in his thrities runs brothels and a failing pub with his partner Veronica and takes cocaine.  When Mark meets Simon an intense brawl breaks out over money Mark stole from Simon years ago.

The last character in the film is Franco who is serving time in the jail. At the start of the film he manages to escape Prison by getting someone to stab him. From there he runs home to his wife and son Franco Jnr. Franco Jnr tells his father he has inrolled in college to study Hotel Managment. His father is disgusted at this and more voilence breaks out. In the end Franco Jnr is forced to acompany his father in robbery. Later in the film Mark starts to fall for Veroika Simons girlfriend and they begin an affair.

 

My Experience in A Psychiatric Hospital

Why was I always suffering , always browbeaten ,always accused , for ever condemned ? ” – Charlotte Bronte

In this post ide like to touch on my experience of a Scottish psychiatric hospital. I have been in hospital twice. The first time so awful I can barely write about it and the second a more pleasant ride. The first thing to note is there is not much difference from a prison. You get dished out the same food for instense some kind of mash potatoe , and lumpy custard washed down by weak diluten juice. Maybe you would get more freedom you would say ? Nope you are trapped behind locked doors with the only entertainment some badly written detective novel and some worn out game of snakes and ladders. Overall the hospitals are pretty dire and could be used as a method to increase suffering.

In the morning you line up for your medication like queing to be served in Primark. Except a lot more drained and fatigued. You get dished out some yellow anti psycotics and nausating tasting anti depressents and swallow them down heavily with luke warm water. Then you go through to the “lounge” to get your tea and cold toast and settle down to watch a nice channel four drama made Before Christ. At around ten ocklock you slump back to your bay pull the curtains and collapse into a mid morning nap. To wake two hours later feeling like your mouth is some African desert and the only thing you have to quench your thirst is some stale jug of water from the night before.

At this point you pull out your granny pants and leggings and some oversized pink t-shirt which is supposed to make you look sexy but instead just makes you look like a giant marshmallow , and brave the shower. Only to discover the hot water is not working yet make the wise decision to keep quiet convincing yourself a freezing cold shower might just be the cure to bring you out of your deep depression.

The rest of the day is a blure spent doing crosswords very badly and using up all your mobile data watching YouTube videos on pointless items people have bought out of Home Bargains. All this of course is disturbed by patients swearing and shouting in distress and doors beeping as smokers ferry in and out. Then after your evening meal. It hits you. The reason your in there. Thoughts of sucide. It seems that putting yourself in such a vulnerable uncontrollable position of being a patient in a psychiatric ward takes it’s toll on you and makes you just want to end it.. Overcourse you can’t cause your supervised twenty four seven by nurses and your probably too much of a chicken anyway. Then your mum comes in to visit and all is resolved. As you realise no matter how bad your problems are your mum’s always top them.