Hi for some strange reasons I did a post called Autumn lows last year and it got quite a lot of attention for some reason (You guys are really nosy) I also wanted to hit one thousand followers by the new year. Well sadly I barely put a dent in that but I’ve been writing this blog for like three years and have around five hundred followers so I going to be reasonable and say one thousand by the end of the year. That’s an easy enough goal, I think. So what are my winter woes to be honest my Christmas was quite nice I’ve not been affected by Covid (yet) I got some nice presents I tried Bailys it was ok. What are my goals for the new year :
To finish my Highers
To get a Job
To read more
To eat better
To blog more
To watch less YouTube
Simple right even someone like me with cripling depression can do that. What I’ve achieved so far.. January is a year where I personally want to just be comfortable I’ve watched all the seasons of Him and Her , and am working my way through Doctor Who and Skins. I’ve been taking baths , eating even doing Jigsaws. I’ve not really been studying or dieting I’ve read a wee bit mostly poetry.
There are things I regret though I wish I had been that teenager who wore doc martens and studied like five Highers and smoked pot and listened to I kissed a girl. I wish I could have my youth back and do it differently but I can’t. I still live with my parents, I don’t have a job. I’m not where I want to be. That’s my winter woes I think January isn’t just about the future but reflecting on the past and living in the present no matter how shit it is.
I’m not sure exactly why I Write , I suppose before you write stories you read them. As a child I devoured books I would literally start reading as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning. I enjoyed it so much. I wanted to put my mark on the world and like the amazing authors I read , I wanted readers not just be entertained but to see something through the eyes of the writer. Me. I owe a lot of my talent (if I can call it that without sounding too arrogant) To my grandparents my gran would read the wishing chair to me as a child and it would take me off to another world. I think there’s something different about reading and writing as a child. My talent wasn’t really discovered until secondary school after it had been nurtured for eleven years or so through the education system. I also liked to write my own stories in my spare time , I remember as an early teen I got more into young adult fiction and liked thrillers. I would write stories about kidnappings and bizarre things like that.
I left school prematurely and grew very depressed this is when I started writing poetry. I remember finding a thin paper back book of T.S Eliot poems in my family’s loft and running through to my mum to tell her how amazing they were. Poetry I found a lot easier to read and write. My first poem was called Lang Town which is near where I live. I started to write about things around me which at that point and I suppose still is poverty. I would write about bus stations and dreary things like that. The characters I suppose had my voice but lucky for me I don’t live in a damp run down flat like the protagonist in my story.
Writing is a very personal act you are basically turning out your soul for others to read and scrutinize. I suppose we all want to live forever and a good poem or book is the closest thing we have to it. We don’t know what it was like to live one hundred years ago but through some of the great writers we can have some understanding of how they lived. I write to change people’s perspectives and make my mark on the world. That is why I write.
It is unusual that I polish off a book from cover to cover but this novel I devoured in two sittings.
The story follows the life of both Daz and Zoe who live in different communities in a future Dystopian Britain. The chippies live in the poor zone and the subbies live in a rich part next to them. The subbies have a high quality of living with large houses , good schools good future prospects. On the other hand you have the Chippies named after their staple diet of chips they live in derelict ghettos. They fear the police. The Chippies cannot enter the subbie neighborhood without paperwork. The class divide which is still very relevant today it is a major theme in the book but other themes also pop up like love and friendship.
The book starts with Zoe and her friends sneaking into a night club in the chippy part of town. This is where she meets Daz they lock eyes across the bar and instantly know they like each other.
They end up meeting in secret as her family and society are strongly against the chippy. Zoe’s grandmother though has a more humane approach and Zoe confides in her about her love for Daz.
Zoe expresses some of her views about the chippies at school and gets the label of “chippy lover” Zoe’s ideas create interest from the Domestic security and she is interrogated. luckily she does not give up her relationship with Daz she is given warning of the problems that might come her way because of her ideas.
In the end zoe runs away with daz she manages to climb under a dust bin lorry into the Chippys neighborhood , there Daz hides her in his apartment. Daz worries about what Zoe thinks of his run down flat and his mother who wears old clothes , more than he does getting in trouble from the police for harboring her.
Zoe gives up everything to be with Daz her comfortable way of living and her family. In the end she finds out her grandmother was part of an illegal organization called FAIR which fought for a better life for the chippys. Zoes friends family are a member and get kicked out , they go to live in the countryside and at the end of the book Zoe and Daz leave the city to join them and make a life for themselves.
Nor limpit in poetic shackles: I love the opening to this poem it’s so poignant and
Captivating. I think the first line expresses confusion with the words in this strange land. A land unkown to prose or rhyme. I think this is symbolic of the isolation burn feels as a poor writer not many can relate to him. Also perhaps its symbolic of society’s ignorance whither its to do with illiteracy at the time or poverty that blights Scotland. “Where words no’er cross’t the muses heckles Nor limpit in poetic shackles.” This shows that burns feels trapped perhaps by his situation and lack of money but also by his gift for the written word.
A land that Prose did never view it,
Except when drunk he stacher’t thro’ it;
Here, ambush’d by the chimla cheek,
Hid in an atmosphere of reek,
“A land that Prose did never view it.” I think this expresses burns frustration that although he is one of the most gifted writers in history he still cant capture all that he wants to. Except when drunk he stachert thro it. This reveals what burns sees the drunks of the streets and perhaps his own battle with drink. Here ambush’d by the chimla cheek. Hid in an atmosphere of reek. This shows what the city was dirty at the time and covered in reek.
I hear a wheel thrum i’ the neuk,
I hear it—for in vain I leuk.
The red peat gleams, a fiery kernel,
Enhuskèd by a fog infernal:
Here, for my wonted rhyming raptures,
I sit and count my sins by chapters; In this stanza what stands out to me is the line “k
For in vain I leuk. This suggests that Burns perhaps feels guilty about his
Fame and talent.
“The red peat gleams, a fiery kernel Enhusked by a fog infernal. These lines are symbolic of heat and perhaps the devil or anger, burns maybe feels like the Devil. “Here , for my wonted rhyming raptures I sit and count my sins by chapters.” He feels guilty about his gift perhaps because of his position in society and the fame and talent he has.
For life and spunk like ither Christians,
I’m dwindled down to mere existence,
Wi’ nae converse but Gallowa’ bodies,
Wi’ nae kenn’d face but Jenny Geddes,
Jenny, my Pegasean pride!
In this stanza he is in conflict with himself and his religion , he admits he’s not a very good Christian maybe because his love of drink or sex. “Im dwindled down to mere existence “here he feels that society does not value his talent and he is merely living a pointless life that wont amount to much.
My first love was my dad still is despite everything.
My parents are lovely people , I see myself reflected in them all the time especially my mum. She tries her best to take care of me even as an adult. They don’t get the respect they deserve because none of my family are very highly educated. Despite this my mum has a qualification in secretary studies and worked in Glasgow when she was young before then going into caring. My dads first job was in a butcher which he hated so he left and studied joinery at college. He worked for the council for years and I think we could have been better off if he’d just stuck with the council. My mum started taking serious epileptic fits after giving birth to my brother where she screams and curses and I think it might of traumatized me as a child a bit.
What I ate today: I had toast and Jam with tea for breakfast, shit for lunch, and pizza and chips for tea.
Love: I think love is different from infatuation, I think with infatuation you imagine a perfect life or perfect sex. Where as love is more of a friendship thing, but I doits nice to have a bit of dominance in the bedroom I suppose. Probs a perv for saying that.
My best friend: My best friend is crazy so much so she once jumped on the train tracks and wasn’t even drunk.
A favorite moment would have to be just before the shit happened me when I was 17 and a few of my friends were just out on a cool summers evening, I never used to leave the house so it was special just to watch the sea at night. Definitely would want to live near the coast.
My believes: I used to believe heavily in Marxism so much I gave myself brain damage and would never support it for that reason recently I have kind of been following Christianity.
What I’m wearing: leggings and a t-shirt from Primark.
My Dream is to achieve higher education and become a librarian or support teacher.
My siblings I have one older brother.
My favourite food. Takeaway pizza or Christmas dinner.
(Before I start.I would really like it if you commented and put forward your opinions on this topic)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No one owns art. I feel like the only accessible art form in 2020 is music and film. To most the books are left to collect dust on a high shelf’s out of reach to many and great paintings are ruined by the coffee stains of the class divide. Literature like classical music and fox hunting seems to be a possession of the higher classes. Believe it or not I don’t hate the church. The elite built me aside from school and my parents I was raised by the church. The psalms of the bible and the verses of the hymns helped me create poetry and write prose. The summer clubs helped tutor and nurture me. However I wasn’t on the same level as them. My mother dusted the pews and scrubbed the toilets whist the conservative Christians preached the pure word of God towering above us on their high podium.
At school I was always degraded siting in a third set English class I was bitter , but I made friends I will never forget despite walking along the narrow tightrope that was the poverty line. Clutching a pen for balance , one slip and I would of tumbled to my doom. Perhaps I already have. in fact I know I have. What I write is in vain , they will spit on my grave.
Survival of the fittest is interwoven into our society despite anyone taking into account the middle classes head start at the game. Yet to say this puts a black mark against your name. Artwork is too expensive to buy for many , words to extravagant to understand. , and if your a woman who tires to challenge this you may as well thump your fists against a brick wall until they are bloody and bruised , but perhaps I’m biased. No one owns art. That’s all their is to say.
A couple of days ago I was kindly nominated to do the ten feelings tag. However Im lazy a shit and couldn’t think of ten so heres five of my favourite feelings!!
1. My first favourite feeling is walking on the beach. In the scorching heat were getting in scotland theres nothing better than walking beside the calming water or chilling on the sand.
2. My second Fave feeling is spending time with loved ones. Wither its playing a game of cards with your mum or having a BBQ with your boyfriend. Nothing makes me more happier !!
3. For my third favourite feeling it has to be online shopping (or normal shopping which we’re sadly not aloud to do at the moment. ) There’s no better feeling than getting a Pretty Little Thing Package arrive at your door with lots of goodies inside. As vain as it might be Im a shopaholic.
4. Music. This has to be my forth choice I love to boogy!
5. My fifth choice has to be indulgences. Tucking into punnet of ice cream , smoking a wee bit weed while the sun goes down , having a cider on the beach. We all love a pit of pleasure in moderation.
1.The first book I have to mention is Masie goes to Morningside. I loved the Masie series when I was a child. Eileen Paterson was an idle to me and I believe my life and literary skills were moulded by her. I remember when I was five or six , sitting cross-legged on the worn out carpet in the hall above the library with a handle full of other children listening to Eileen reading the newest Masie adventure.
2. Hetty Feather has to be my second choice. Not only does it sound the same as my name or the fact my Nana gave it to me but for some reason this book holds a special place in my heart. I think Jaqueline Wilson books are underrated. As a pre teen I loved devouring her easy to read books with female protagonists but Hetty Feather Definitely stood out to me. Not only does it have similarities with the classic Jane Eyre but even on its own the book has a good story line. Based In the Victorian era we follow Hettys horrific journey as she is ripped away from her comfortable foster family and beloved brother Jem and dumped into a workhouse where she experiences many horrors.
3. A third choice for me is Goodnight Mr Tom. I studied this book in school. The story as a whole is a very warm one. When an evacuee is sent to live with Mr tom he gradually starts to grow into a healthy boy. Until he is sent back to London and to his neglecter mother. However, Mr tom manages to safe him.
4. The Woman In Black. I studied the woman in black at school for my National 5 English. It brings back fond memories for me. Sitting for hours analysing this novel and picking it apart. This book contains many themes such as loss, the battle between good and evil and fear.
5. Black and Blue. I read this book as a 16 year old when I was in a really dark place and for some reason the grittiness and reality of this crime novel resonated with me.
6. Jane Eyre. As an adult now 19(nearly 20) this classic love story connects with me. You feel Jane’s pain and isolation. As she suffers under the harsh hand of her aunt and cousins to then losing her friend at Lowood school. And then the passionate love affair.
Quarantine is boring and stressful. So Ive created a list of ten things to do to pass the time !!
Watch TV ! Currently I making my way through the Twighlight series and Skins (both on netflix) If you dont know what to watch ask a friend or wiki a film or tv program. The Stranger and Safe are also very good.
Listen to music. I enjoy anthing from Calvin Harris to A Day To Remember everyone needs a wee rock now and again.
Have a smoke. Sit out in your garden and watch the world go by while inhaling nicotine (or something else) theres nothing more peacful.
Pamper yourself. Go for a warm relaxing bath , paint your nails , wax your booty I dont know.
Take a walk. I live by the coast and theres nothing more soothing than a walk along the shore.
Read a book. Now is the perfect time to make your way through the classics or a good thriller. Currently Im devouring Jane Eyre. Theres nothing better than the imagery Bronte creates.
Go on social media. Every one likes a good snoop now and then.
Make a cup of tea. Theres nothing a good hot brew cant solve.
Bake. I love baking even though its really unhealthy. Crack out the cooking book and whip up some biscuits or bannana loaf.
Spend time with loved ones and try not to panic. These times can make you idle and uptight but you just have to remember it ends one day and all we can do is make every moment count as best as possible.