Why Is Happiness So Hard To Find In Art?

She said It was depressing, but then life always was a bitter lesson. 

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Why is happiness so hard to find in art? Was a question that plagued my mind today. Maybe its because we’re all miserable cows or perhaps its because most adults don’t relate to tales about happy, content little bunny rabbits.

As a child, I was as joyful as most but as I grew I became more withdrawn and well.  Depressed. Neurosis plagued me from a young age. Whenever we played piggy in the middle I was always the piggy who could never catch any of my friends. In team sports, I was always last to be picked. At playtime, my peers always had better biscuits and would never share with me. Bitter resentment grew in me towards life. I wanted an answer. I wanted the truth. Books were a source of escapism for me. As cliche as it sounds, I was the book worm of the class. Yet I wouldn’t say this made me the smartest. I still struggled with figures and somehow my reports never got a place on that wall, nor did I get into the final of the scots verse team despite having a passion for burns from a young age. I can still recite Epistle To Hugh parker word for word a poem that was forgotten and pushed into the shadows by most.

In high school, it seemed my anxiety came to a peak. Out of the hundreds of young adults, I struggled to find friends. Yet this wasn’t a place you wanted to be associated with books at lunchtimes, or at least not in my school. At break times I would line up in the dinner card que only for the single reason not to look like a loner. I cared too much about what people thought, but don’t we all?

However back to the question at hand. Why is art so depressing. Or why are artists so depressing. Why did Plath put her head in an oven, why did Van Gough paint beautiful flowers and then chop off his ear and then later blow out his brains? Why are we all so mental? Is it because life is mental, do we deep down need a reason as to why we exist? Why did Stalin and Hitler kill millions? Why did Andrew Carnegie exploit his workers despite growing up poor, why did burns preach about freedom then desire to be a slave driver? Why? Why? Why? We Ask. I wish I could give you an answer. Pain, money, hate, emptiness, mental illness. Death.

I think my opinion is that we need art to give us a reason to live. We see ourselves through others. It gives us meaning. Perhaps it’s not that art is depressing, maybe it’s just too close to the truth.

The Fear o Hells A Hangmans Whip

The fear o hells the hangmans whip. As though for a second he loosened his grip and stared me in the eye. Opening up his grubby arms to a world no mortal can deny.

Hit me once , hit me again. Batter me for country queen and God. Strike me for following Lenin Christian or jew. Tear up the pages of old testament and new.

Don’t take the same path as the advisor. Learn from their stories and grow ever wiser. Although the bitterness burns in your chest. Even if the stale bread is hard to digest.

Show me no mercy , show me no grief . Laugh as I cry and beg at your feet. Weep for them as they lie silenced in graves. March for us and all that we gave. Sooth us of this painful torture.

Five Fave Feelings Tag !!

A couple of days ago I was kindly nominated to do the ten feelings tag. However Im lazy a shit and couldn’t think of ten so heres five of my favourite feelings!!

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1. My first favourite feeling is walking on the beach. In the scorching heat were getting in scotland theres nothing better than walking beside the calming water or chilling on the sand.

2. My second Fave feeling is spending time with loved ones. Wither its playing a game of cards with your mum or having a BBQ with your boyfriend. Nothing makes me more happier !!

3. For my third favourite feeling it has to be online shopping (or normal shopping which we’re sadly not aloud to do at the moment. ) There’s no better feeling than getting a Pretty Little Thing Package arrive at your door with lots of goodies inside. As vain as it might be Im a shopaholic.

4. Music. This has to be my forth choice I love to boogy!

5. My fifth choice has to be indulgences. Tucking into  punnet of ice cream , smoking a wee bit weed while the sun goes down , having a cider on the beach. We all love a pit of pleasure in moderation.

 

My Favourite Films

I never used to watch films that much , but now I relish the storylines. It’s all I can do most days is sit and watch films or tv or YouTube. I like the escapism of it, perhaps even more than I like books. Watching films is easier for me to digest. So here is a list of the films that made me :

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1. Mary Poppins. For some reason this film stands out to me. I remember watching it as a child I must of been around six or seven and just being taken away into a different world with the most haunting music and setting.

2.Titanic. I was obsessed with this film when I was about twelve. I remember making the event one of my personal projects in school. I loved the characters of this heart felt love story. The tragedy of Titanic resonated with me somehow.

3. Les miserables. I discovered this film as a teen and I’ve always believed in revolution and what happens in it. The storyline is also very good and complex and gets your mind working. I also love a good musical.

4. Jane Eyre. I love the film almost as much as I love the book. As you can tell I love a captivating love story. And Janes passionate affair with rochester has your eyes stuck to the television.

 

The Books That Made Me !

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1.The first book I have to mention is Masie goes to Morningside. I loved the Masie series when I was a child. Eileen Paterson was an idle to me and I believe my life and literary skills were moulded by her. I remember when I was five or six , sitting cross-legged on the worn out carpet in the hall above the library with a handle full of other children listening to Eileen reading the newest Masie adventure.

2. Hetty Feather has to be my second choice. Not only does it sound the same as my name or the fact my Nana gave it to me but for some reason this book holds a special place in my heart. I think Jaqueline Wilson books are underrated. As a pre teen I loved devouring her easy to read books with female protagonists but Hetty Feather Definitely stood out to me. Not only does it have similarities with the classic Jane Eyre but even on its own the book has a good story line. Based In the Victorian era we follow Hettys horrific journey as she is ripped away from her comfortable foster family and beloved brother Jem and dumped into a workhouse where she experiences many horrors.

3. A third choice for me is Goodnight Mr Tom. I studied this book in school. The story as a whole is a very warm one. When an evacuee is sent to live with Mr tom he gradually starts to grow into a healthy boy. Until he is sent back to London and to his neglecter mother. However, Mr tom manages to safe him.

4. The Woman In Black. I studied the woman in black at school for my National 5 English. It brings back fond memories for me. Sitting for hours analysing this novel and picking it apart. This book contains many themes such as loss, the battle between good and evil and fear.

5. Black and Blue. I read this book as a 16 year old when I was in a really dark place and for some reason the grittiness and reality of this crime novel resonated with me.

6. Jane Eyre. As an adult now 19(nearly 20) this classic love story connects with me. You feel Jane’s pain and isolation. As she suffers under the harsh hand of her aunt and cousins to then losing her friend at Lowood school. And then the passionate love affair.

10 Things to do in quarantine

Quarantine is boring and stressful. So Ive created a list of ten things to do to pass the time !!

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  1. Watch TV ! Currently I making my way through the Twighlight series and Skins (both on netflix) If you dont know what to watch ask a friend or wiki a film or tv program. The Stranger and Safe are also very good.
  2. Listen to music. I enjoy anthing from Calvin Harris to A Day To Remember everyone needs a wee rock now and again.
  3. Have a smoke. Sit out in your garden and watch the world go by while inhaling nicotine (or something else) theres nothing more peacful.
  4. Pamper yourself. Go for a warm relaxing bath , paint your nails , wax your booty I dont know.
  5. Take a walk. I live by the coast and theres nothing more soothing than a walk along the shore.
  6. Read a book. Now is the perfect time to make your way through the classics or a good thriller. Currently Im devouring Jane Eyre. Theres nothing better than the imagery Bronte creates.
  7. Go on social media. Every one likes a good snoop now and then.
  8. Make a cup of tea. Theres nothing a good hot brew cant solve.
  9. Bake. I love baking even though its really unhealthy. Crack out the cooking book and whip up some biscuits or bannana loaf.
  10. Spend time with loved ones and try not to panic. These times can make you idle and uptight but you just have to remember it ends one day and all we can do is make every moment count as best as possible.

A Post On Failure

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If I am being brutally honest with myself I would call myself a failure. I dropped out of school aged 16 which in some peoples eyes makes you only useful for collecting bins or scrubbing toilets. My grammar isn’t up to scratch my writing misspelt and disorganised. Would I preach to the gods that this is the best way to live your life. No I wouldn’t. Poverty is brutal and takes its tole on you. If you want to spend your life on the couch watching Come Dine With Me and Primark hauls and hanging around the bus station all day filling your lungs with god knows what to numb your reality out then by all means follow in my foot steps.

If you want to drive around in a BMW and go shopping for fruit in Waitrose. Then maybe stay in school. However I suppose our experiences make us who we are. I for example am probably a chav who roams the streets in a hoodie and leggings. I am the definition of slipping through the net. Although I’ve made good friends and art from the depths of hell which would never have happend if I didn’t make the choices I did…. I suppose.

Perhaps In some ways failure is good for us It makes us more humble. It gives us a different perspective. You look at a homeless person on the street and instead of judging them your like Jesus Christ Im one away from being them !! And hastily hand them your months benefits (Jks)

Just go easy on yourself If you find yourself at the job centre your among thousands of people in the same boat. Dont live alone with your fear of failure.

A Letter To 21-Year-Old Me (100 Followers Celebration!!)

 

A Letter TO 21-Year-Old Me!!

I previously on this blog did a letter to 18-year-old me when I was 17. I’ve actually succeeded in accomplishing some of my goals (Like yes losing my virginity) . I am also probably now a border line alcoholic so I’ve completed the drinking goal (Damn those cocktails) However some things such as my health improving or going to a music festival have stayed the same if not gotten worse. The answer to that question are things overall better? No there not. They are WAY WORSE!! Anyway, lets begin a letter to 21-year-old me.

  1. How’s the blog have you reached lets say 300 followers we’ll aim high. That’s 200 followers in two years that’s reachable.
  2. Have you sat your Higher English yet? Please say yes
  3. Are you in your own place? If not I feel very sorry for you
  4. A sinister one but have you killed yourself yet? I hope not you weak piece of shit.
  5. Are you pregnant I’m not sure if I would be happy or sad for the answer to that?
  6. Are you working do you finally have a Job ?
  7. Is the psychosis and low mood any better?
  8. Are you overall more content?

 

That’s it folks for my letter to 21 year old me. Please like and follow.

The Woman In Black – Film Reveiw

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The Woman In Black. I studied the novel by Susan Hill at school. I thought what better film to do a review on as the autumn nights draw in and we are all looking for a good horror film to snuggle up and watch. The Woman In Black has to be my favourite film. We follow Arthur Kipps a young lawyer as he ventures to Crythin Gifford and Eel Marsh house to sort out a deceased women’s affairs. Little does he know the town is being terrorized by the Woman In Black who takes people children as her own child was taken from her. 

The film starts with three girls jumping out a window. Cheery I know. Then we move onto Kipps story. Different from the book the start of the film has his wife dying in childbirth. We see a grief stricken Kipps and the death of his wife looms over the whole film. Kipps is told in order to save his career he must go to Cryfin Gifford and sort out the affairs of Alice Drablow. 

The main themes of the film are Isolation. This theme comes through in the setting of the film where Eel marsh house is isolated surrounded by marshland. Kipps also finds himself isolated not only by his visits to Eel marsh house but also his interaction with the residents of Crythin Gifford who are hostile towards his because of his work at Eel Marsh house. Another theme in the film is revenge. Since losing her son Jennef Humpray(The woman in black) seeks revenge on Crythin Gifford by killing their children. Many children die in the film. The girls jumping out of the window, a girl who drinks lye , and another girl Mr Jeromes daughter who dies in a fire that Arthur Kipps tries to rescue her from. A final theme in the film is fear. Crythin Gifford is steeped in fear. They fear their children will be taken from them because Arthur Kipps has disturbed the Woman In Black by visiting Eel Marsh house. There are also a lot of scenes where we see Arthur Kipps suffering from fear when he is alone at Eel Marsh House. When he is at the house he sees the woman in Black numerous times once in the graveyard and once at a bedroom window. There is also a lot of jump scares in this film and a lot of things that build tension. For example the nursery of the boy who died in the marshes surrounding Eel Marsh House is kept like a shrine. There is a rocking chair that starts rocking by itself and echos around the house. There is also many banging doors. All of this builds tension and fear in the viewer. 

Samual daily is the only one in the town who is welcoming to Arthur Kipps. He takes him under his wing and lets Arthur stay at his house and is not scared by the town’s superstitions about Eel Marsh house. 

At the end of the film Kipps son is lured onto the train tracks by the woman in black. Kipps notices this and jumps onto the train tracks to safe him. Unfortunately it is too late and they both die. 

Thanks for reading and dont forget to like and Follow 🙂