My Book/Poetry Collection

Epistle To Hugh Parker Analysis

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IN this strange land, this uncouth clime,
A land unknown to prose or rhyme;
Where words ne’er cross’t the Muse’s heckles,
Nor limpit in poetic shackles:
A land that Prose did never view it,	5
Except when drunk he stacher’t thro’ it;
Here, ambush’d by the chimla cheek,
Hid in an atmosphere of reek,
I hear a wheel thrum i’ the neuk,
I hear it—for in vain I leuk.	10
The red peat gleams, a fiery kernel,
Enhuskèd by a fog infernal:
Here, for my wonted rhyming raptures,
I sit and count my sins by chapters;
For life and spunk like ither Christians,	15
I’m dwindled down to mere existence,
Wi’ nae converse but Gallowa’ bodies,
Wi’ nae kenn’d face but Jenny Geddes,
Jenny, my Pegasean pride!
Dowie she saunters down Nithside,	20
And aye a westlin leuk she throws,
While tears hap o’er her auld brown nose!
Was it for this, wi’ cannie care,
Thou bure the Bard through many a shire?
At howes, or hillocks never stumbled,	25
And late or early never grumbled?—
O had I power like inclination,
I’d heeze thee up a constellation,
To canter with the Sagitarre,
Or loup the ecliptic like a bar;	30
Or turn the pole like any arrow;
Or, when auld Phoebus bids good-morrow,
Down the zodiac urge the race,
And cast dirt on his godship’s face;
For I could lay my bread and kail	35
He’d ne’er cast saut upo’ thy tail.—
Wi’ a’ this care and a’ this grief,
And sma’, sma’ prospect of relief,
And nought but peat reek i’ my head,
How can I write what ye can read?—	40
Tarbolton, twenty-fourth o’ June,
Ye’ll find me in a better tune;
But till we meet and weet our whistle,
Tak this excuse for nae epistle.

Analysis : Part 1

IN this strange land, this uncouth clime,

A land unknown to prose or rhyme;

Where words ne’er cross’t the Muse’s heckles,

Nor limpit in poetic shackles:   I love the opening to this poem it’s so poignant and

Captivating. I think the first line expresses confusion with the words in this strange land. A land unkown to prose or rhyme. I think this is symbolic of the isolation burn feels as a poor writer not many can relate to him. Also perhaps its symbolic of society’s ignorance whither its to do with illiteracy at the time or poverty that blights Scotland. “Where words no’er cross’t the muses heckles Nor limpit in poetic shackles.” This shows that burns feels trapped perhaps by his situation and lack of money but also by his gift for the written word.

A land that Prose did never view it,

Except when drunk he stacher’t thro’ it;

Here, ambush’d by the chimla cheek,

Hid in an atmosphere of reek,

“A land that Prose did never view it.” I think this expresses burns frustration that although he is one of the most gifted writers in history he still cant capture all that he wants to. Except when drunk he stachert thro it. This reveals what burns sees the drunks of the streets and perhaps his own battle with drink. Here ambush’d by the chimla cheek. Hid in an atmosphere of reek. This shows what the city was dirty at the time and covered in reek.

I hear a wheel thrum i’ the neuk,

I hear it—for in vain I leuk.

The red peat gleams, a fiery kernel,

Enhuskèd by a fog infernal:

Here, for my wonted rhyming raptures,

I sit and count my sins by chapters;     In this stanza what stands out to me is the line “k

For in vain I leuk. This suggests that Burns perhaps feels guilty about his

 Fame and talent.

“The red peat gleams, a fiery kernel Enhusked by a fog infernal. These lines are symbolic of heat and perhaps the devil or anger, burns maybe feels like the Devil. “Here , for my wonted rhyming raptures I sit and count my sins by chapters.” He feels guilty about his gift perhaps because of his position in society and the fame and talent he has.

For life and spunk like ither Christians,

I’m dwindled down to mere existence,

Wi’ nae converse but Gallowa’ bodies,

Wi’ nae kenn’d face but Jenny Geddes,

Jenny, my Pegasean pride!

In this stanza he is in conflict with himself and his religion , he admits he’s not a very good Christian maybe because his love of drink or sex. “Im dwindled down to mere existence “here he feels that society does not value his talent and he is merely living a pointless life that wont amount to much.

Capitalism And It’s Effect On Mental Health

I stumbled across an interesting article in The Herald today that argued that modern mental health disorders are more down to capitalism than a biological disorder. In the article written about the book sedated its says the economical issues like poverty and isolation are more common causes to why people are “sick” I myself have been on anti psychotics for years and I believe this to be true growing up in cramped housing , having a poor diet and mostly just struggling to get by may have caused my illness. Although I would never put anyone off taking medication as I believe like dementia there is biological factor behind diseases like depression and psychosis. I think any mental heath professional who does not treat mental disorders like any other illness is not doing their job properly.

However , unemployment and cuts to benefits does not make you happy. If you have a job you have some sort of motivation in your life. Your around people so less likely to develop psychotic symptoms from isolation, the wealthier you are the better your diet and exercise is and so on. Which all lead to better mental wellbeing.

Davies argues that radical political reform is needed to tackle the social issues of despair. Basically higher taxation on the rich. So many things including mental health are linked to poverty. Substance abuse , crime , physical illness , attainment gap , shorter life span. The poor are constantly penalised. We blame poverty on ourselves when in fact our lives are made shittier because of capitalism. We’re forced into low paid jobs or benefits. While some (who can drive ) whizz around in fancy cars and spend their money heating their massive houses. It’s a way of life you don’t know unless you’ve experienced it. And for most unless you win the lottery never will.

Summer Stresses

I’m a summer baby. I was born on the ninth of June 2000 which makes me 21. Getting older scares me. I’ve never had a full time job because of my health and have not really got any decent qualifications. Most people my age will be studying and partying whereas I’m stuck in my stuffy old bedroom at my grans the only interesting thing in my life who is going to be evicted from love island.

I cant help but feel the pressure of the ticking clock. I’m not even in a relationship anymore and I feel like the only thing I’ve achieved since leaving school is giving myself brain damage from rock music , taking up a hospital bed and being a regular just eat customer.

It seems like the months are slipping through my fingers and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. When I think beck now there’s so many things I wish I’d done differently , but like my mum always says you have to look forward. Its difficult when your health incapacitates you I want to believe what kills you makes you stronger but it is simply not true.

Q&A

First of all a disclaimer this is the second time I’m writing this as my laptop decided to shut down , also I had to use trusted Pinterest for questions but hope you enjoy :

1. Sunrise or sunset – Sunset it reminds me of playing outside in the summer as a child
2. Are you mentally ill – Yes I have psychosis and take medication on the plus side I get a free bus pass.
3. Are you physically ill – No I hope it stays that way
4. What is the most expensive thing you’ve bought – Either this laptop that I’m writing this on , or my washing machine.
5. Do you have a Job – No and Ive been looking for one for years.
6. Are you in school – No im 20
7. Are you a dropout – Yes I dropped out of school age 16 and im not proud of it.
8. Introvert or extrovert – Introvert I have really low self esteem , but I feel like I’ve become more confident as I’ve aged.
9. What do you think when you look at your body – You need to go easy on the Dominoes.
10. A song you feel deeply about – Currently its walking on cars don’t mind me
11. Time in your life you’ve felt most alive – Probably going on holiday as a child.
12. Are you confident wearing a bikini – No
13. Can you look people in the eye when talking – No I hate eye contact again it was worse when I was younger.
14. Has anything terrible happened to you – Yes but would rather not go into it.
15. Favourite part of your personality – I think I’m quiet a patient person.
16. Least favourite part of your personality – I can be lazy like the state of my room is a joke. Honestly its not good.
17. Favourite quote – My blogs quote
18. Do I have friendships with all genders – Not really
19. Do you have a good relationship with your mum and dad – I have a difficult relationship with my parents , because I cant drive and I’m mentally ill im quite co-dependent on them.
20. Do I have a good relationship with your siblings – Yeah we’re not that close but yeah I get on with him.
21. Have you had a near death experience – yes when I was 11 I fell off a very high tree swing.
22. Do you know anyone who has tried to take their own life – No but I think it’s a very personal thing and you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors so to speak.
23. Have you ever tried to take your own life – kind of
24. Do you follow any conspiracies – No
25. Do you respect your government, and the way things are done – No does anybody?
26. Are your friendships healthy – Yeah?  
27. Do you believe in the Illuminati – Yeah defo They followed me on facebook. Lol.
28. How can people tell your nervous – Its really gross but I pick the skin on my lips , I know gross.
29. Do you express your true feelings – No not really
30. Regrets in your life – dropping out , not taking medication sooner , going into hospital so many times.
31. Achievements in your life – This blog !!
32. Is there something you’ve never told anyone – Yes

Q&A

I want to do a Q&A on my channel soon. Comment your questions you want to know below !!

Like a candle

Poetry is great

Poetry is grand

Almost like a soup that you pour out of a can.

I tell them no! but they don’t understand

Weighing out problems by the gram.

Forever eternally dammed.

Can I be held accountable?

Can anyone

As we slyly manipulate the young

Cruel bitter words on the tip of our tongs.

This life is breaking me bit by bit

Ticking days rolling in like mist.

Like a candle that’s already been lit

Go ahead burn all of it!  

We begged for some bread  

While you bathed in wine.

You stole all that was mine!

Gods Own Country (Film Review. )

Gods Own Country has to be one of my favourite films and to be honest I’m not even sure why. I think as a 17 year old this was one of the first films I watched in the comfort of my own home after being deprived of the internet and netflix in hospital and for some reason I was attracted to this Drama.

In a way the simple story line is soothing and easy to follow. Johnny is the main character of the film a young farmer. At the start of the film johnny is distant and almost bitter with his way of life. He treats humans like animals having a quick fling with a boy he met in a cafe. However this all changes when his father employs a Romanian immigrant to help out on the farm.

The two men work together and then end up getting into a passionate relationship. During this time Johnny’s father has a stroke and the relationship ends.

The end of the film all is resolved when johnny hunts down his lover and proclaims his feelings for him. Overall very good film and would highly recommend

I said I was a writer (Poem E.h)

Life After Hospital

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you’ll know that Ive spent a lot of time in my young adulthood in and out of psychiatric hospitals. The thing that bothers me the most isn’t the dire experience of these institutions but more the aftermath of life outside of them. Depression , anxiety and PTSD makes life difficult.

I worry about my chances of getting a job as i’ve been unemployed for five years and my ability to have a normal healthy relationship , or raise a family.

I’m not gonna say I’ve tried my best because I haven’t. My recent admission was partly my fault I thought going into hospital was the right thing. It wasn’t. Although I still believe that going into hospital at 17 as horrible as it was , was necessary to combat my psychosis. I’m still very codependent on my parents. The most frustrating thing is not being able to get away or live without people your not happy with. I cant drive and although I appreciate my family trips to McDonalds its not enough to fix the damage that being in these places has had on me. I feel lethargic a lot I fall asleep during the day and go to bed early at night I struggle to concentrate on TV as most dramas trigger my psychosis. I’ve gained weight , I vomit probably just because of the state I’m in. My parents answer to this is move on. Yet I cant everywhere I go I’m still in that ward.

I struggle to look after myself although I set alarms on my phone , I still struggle to take my tablets or keep my flat clean without my parents help. I want my children to have a better life than me. However currently the only money I get is PIP and universal credit (Im getting a donate button soon folks)

Probably the worst thing is i’m too depressed to write , the best piece Ive ever written, reading it back gives me nausea as it reminds me of a period in my life I don’t want to go back to. Even poetry I feel I can never get right.

I try to go out for walks alone , to smoke instead of eat , to stay up late , to get a job but the comments people have said still come back to me , but what can I do besides stuff my face with jammy dodgers and fall back asleep two hours after ive woken up? I feel inadequate. One of the rare people my age in Scotland that doesn’t have highers and has borderline dementia. Reading a book feels like a mockery.

perhaps it is !