“I WANTED TO DRINK THE SAN IZAL”

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“Beside the sink there was a dark green bottle of disenfectant the name was in big red letters on the label. SAN IZAL. And in smaller letters under a red cross was the word. Poison. That had been spelled out to me with a warning to leave it alone.

I unscrewed the top and sniffed at the San Izal. I loved the smell of it a smell you could just about bite. I wanted to take a sip but it was poison. If I swallowed it I would die. My father said when you died that was it. Finsihed. My mother said you went to heaven to live with god.

The feeling was centred in my stomach and had something to do with the picture. I wanted my mother. I held the book close to me and crossed once more to the sink. I wanted to drink the San Izal.

I wanted to write this post centered around this story by Alan Spence. I Myself have been feeling sucidal because of current events in my life. I think feeling sucidal is a natrual thing that all humans feel. Maybe I’m worng. In this story even a young boy feels the urge to drink the San Izal and kill himself. This perhaps has to do with his enviroment  he talks about the outside of his house being a wasteland “I could see our street and another leading off it down towards the docks. Rows of grey tenements , a factory , a wasteground”  so perhaps he is suffering from poverty. Something enough to drive the masses to the bridge.

In this story I like Alan spences dipiction of what depression does to you. We see this in the example of when the boy eats a peice of bread. “Mechanically I picked up the bread I had left on the table and took another bite , chewed it to a dry pulp sweet sugary grit between my teeth. I Couldnt finish it , threw the last hard crust in the bucket” This shows that the boy feels to low to eat and the bread is tasteless to him. Alan spences attention to detail is also amazing. In the sink lay a knife I had used , still streaked with margarine. I turned on the tap , let the rush of water splash over it , but it didnt come clean , it was still smeared , the cold water clinging in globules to the blade. I think this image is also symbolic of how the boys feeling. It shows how hopeless he feels at his situation. And which in turn is driving him to drink the San Izal.

He also talks about wanting his mother. “I wanted my mother “  Almost as if the lonliness is enough to make him drink poison. At the end of the story all is resolved when his mother comes home and grants him safety from himself and the feelings hes had. “I heard my mothers key turn in the door and she was here she was home. The tears came now. I couldnt hold them back. ” His mother is symbolic of saftey and comfort and manages to sooth the boys distress.

 

 

 

One thought on ““I WANTED TO DRINK THE SAN IZAL”

  1. I feel that everyone at at least one time in their lives suicidal thoughts
    When younger I never wanted to live. One day I had drunk a bottle of booze and a bottle of pills jus t swallowed both – i didnt know you had to do it slowly (no internet)
    I vomited across the room and finally I decide God wasnt letting me take the eady way out so, I got up and got on with it

    Liked by 1 person

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