I cried like I’d never cried before it raked my whole body. I felt the cold mettle of the sanely knife between my fingers. I wanted to go up my loft and end it. There are a lot of times in your life you can contemplate suicide but coming close to it is different. I felt empty cold to my bones exhausted and trapped. I was having panic attacks every night , I hadn’t left my house in half a year. I couldn’t see a way out.